April 2005

Now deep into my 40s, it is not unusual for me to wake in the night feeling warmer than normal. If these are hot flashes they’re intermittent for now, but it does herald the approach of menopause and the time referred to as the Crone years.

The wizened crone is not re-inventing herself everyday. She is settled and reflects to others the wisdom of which she is certain. But I am not there yet, and I have no doubt that the crone of the traditional triple goddess archetype is premature for describing the middle years of modern women.

Donna Henes agrees and has written a book exploring this very issue: The Queen of My Self (Monarch, 2004). She feels that the wild phase of transitioning through midlife is a time to be crowned Queen; sovereign of ourselves. The maiden/mother/crone model is Roman, Hindu, Celtic, Greek and Buddhist. All these cultures have groupings of three, such as the three Graces, Fates, and Muses, the Holy Trinity. The maiden represents all things new and expansive, the mother is creation and nourishment, the crone is death, transformation, rebirth.

Historically this model worked, but we are living longer. We only lived to be 40 in the early 1800s and by 1900 we lived to be 48. Now we can expect to live 20 or 30 productive years  after menopause, before we reach the traditional Crone years. As Donna suggests, the Triple Goddess paradigm has outlived its usefulness. Now one in 50 of us reach 100, so at 50 years of age we are only halfway through our lives.

We stand looking at a new horizon. It is time to create a new mythology for ourselves. Enter the Queen.

Whether we have been birthing babies or birthing culture, by the time we are 40 we have become teachers and healers who dance in circle, feel great and potent, and are consciously deepening our relationship with Source.

The previous triple goddess model is based on three, which is like a family grouping, whereas four takes us into the world of the four directions, the medicine wheel, aligning us instead with the universe. Utilizing the four season model, Donna describes the four goddesses as: Maiden (east, spring, waxing moon, water and dawn); Mother (south, summer, full moon, earth, and noon); Queen (west, autumn, waning, fire, and sunset); Crone (north, winter, dark moon, air, and midnight).

Donna Henes is an urban shaman and contemporary ceremonialist; her book is full of fun rituals for exploring the Queen.

Working with the elements of west, autumn, waning moon, fire and sunset we can create our own rituals. I would add the colour red to the Queen (that works with the Red Hat parties popular now), and is often the colour of the west door. Make yourself a crown with things growing outside or get right into it with glue and fabric and crystals. Have a crowning ceremony with all your friends. Henna your feet, go to a spa, have a feast, or have a fantastically exotic bath.

Treat yourself well as a Queen. Respect your experiences too. Queens face menopause, the illness and death of parents, the emptiness of the nest, divorce perhaps, new careers. They know the darkness of the crone and the creativeness of the maiden and mother. Donna’s suggestions include a Dream Journal, as dreams, like the Queen, are wise. The experiences of a Queen’s life warrant making a quilt of favourite fabrics and patches of old clothes, a scrap book of memories, a mosaic. Rediscovering the story of the Queen’s life through creative expressions such as these creates a background for seeing the mythic tale of one’s life.

“The Queen is strong and takes responsibility for her life; her dreams, actions and decisions. The wild ride of mid-life and menopause is really a crowning achievement as you become Queen of yourself.” So, most importantly as this time of life begins, be sure to bless yourself. “The more you bless your Self, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the more you protect it. The more you protect it, the more you attract it.”

The Queen feels much juicier and appropriate after 40 years old. It’s fun being around in a time when we can re-write our mythology.

Men likewise can celebrate life after 45. In mid-life some are drawn to younger mates to feel revitalized, when these are in fact their power years, full of the mental and emotional strength, respect and vitality of a King. Here’s to the Queen and King, and their intoxicating combination of self-containment, sensuously open and experienced hearts, their potent focus, delicious conversations, their self-esteem, and  sexy gray hair.

For more information on Donna’s book (available at bookstores everywhere) go to www.theQueenofmyself.com